Jave Update

Anyone ever see the movie Runaway Bride? When Julia Roberts character responds to Richard Gere's character's column about her, her salutation was: Greetings from the sticks...
I feel this greeting is applicable to me, so...

Greetings from the sticks. Today marks one month of living in Altoona, PA. It has not been easy for me or Lara. I haven't really updated much because of that. The adjustment has been particularly hard for me since I feel entirely without purpose - no job, no family or friends nearby, Lara works all day long, and I have a constant feeling of not being safe and being quite foreign here, despite the demographics and beliefs of many in this town are very similar to that in Reno. The stark difference is that this city is in decline - declaring financial distress last year, closing 2 elementary schools because of enrollment decline and financial issues, locals are poorly educated and struggling in a decades past thriving railroad city, significantly aged/aging population that cannot afford to maintain a blue collar living is driving the city's largest industry - healthcare. Are you getting the picture of what this place is like? It actually looks visibly like this place is at a breaking point and continuing to degrade. The best thing about Altoona, PA is the campus - it's beautiful (very beautiful), the students are quite diverse in makeup and degree pursuits, and the faculty are equally as diverse, amazing, etc. But, keep in mind that the Altoona campus is the size of TMCC or the main CSN campus - not a large area for respite. All this is made more difficult in knowing Pittsburgh is literally 2 hours away, and that's the closest city to us driving the speed limit average of 55mph. The next best thing is the main campus city State College, PA, about 40 mins away. Living there is 2x more expensive than Altoona, and right now, I don't have a job to make that affordable. So no, despite the cheap cost of living and Lara having great colleagues and an awesome job, the adjustment is still very difficult for both of us.

I suppose I never realized how deep my roots were planted in Reno, and how much I loved living the life I was leading. The stark difference between how I felt 30 days ago to how I feel now are like looking inside two different people. I think in doing the daily grind and following our habits, we tend to go on autopilot. I was on autopilot - work, friends, gym or karate, home, repeat. Sprinkle in some dates and vacations with a heavy dash of visits to the reproductive clinic and that was our life. Being removed from everything familiar, I feel like I'm having to look at my life under a microscope - who am I really, and what am I about. Questions like what do I need in my life - Lara, a satisfying job, and surroundings (community activities, job opportunities, family, friends, etc). But needing and the ability to control/attain those needs do not go hand in hand. I'm starting to wonder: Can you have it all? Can you find happiness in everything or do we make the best of what we have available to us? Are there people who really have it all?! Miley Cyrus?

Despite not feeling great about the move, I still manage to cope. Each week is much more bearable than the last. I think in making 2 new friends over the last few weeks has helped, along with starting the part time teaching gig this week on the Altoona campus. Keeping busy and viewing Altoona through the lens of someone else besides me has been helpful, despite their lens' pretty much viewing the same thing I do (misery loves...to commiserate?). Day by day, I feel like I'm clawing my way back to feeling like myself - someone who appreciates the life they lead, and doesn't feel lonely, lost, or hopeless. At the close of my day, there is always a silver lining. I haven't had one outside of my ultrasounds in nearly a month until...

Yesterday.  While it was nice to have lunch (a decent one - good food is sparse here) with a colleague James and get a detailed tour of the area, I would have preferred Lara to be there to see some better neighborhoods in the area and to try one of the 3 decent food places in town. My silver lining revealed itself  on a dog walk with Lara around 9pm last night. It was so humid and hot last night, we needed to get out; plus, the dogs need a walk since we don't have a yard for them to play in. On our walk, it was quiet for once (we live on a main road with heavy traffic), everyone was turning or had turned in already, and all we could hear was the sound of frogs and grasshoppers; we could feel a thick but cool breeze. Kona was off sniffing at the grass, Herc on a leash wagging his tail as we ambled on. I was holding Lara's hand, the stars were out, and briefly, I felt better than just OK. Maybe there is more of that to come...I hope!

Happy Labor Day weekend! Everyone enjoy some good food, company of friends and family, and hopefully decent weather.