Lara and I began dating in the fall of 2008, and we have been inseparable ever since. I can't remember when we decided to try to get pregnant, but we have always shared the commonality that having kids was very important to both of us. Shortly after our domestic partnership ceremony in July 2011, we decided to get started. The feeling at the time was probably what most individuals feel on a daring expedition - prepared, anxious, and excitement uncontainable.
The big question is always the sperm - where it came from, who's the donor, how does the process of getting sperm from a sperm bank go, etc? For these questions, we used California Cryobank (CCB) because of their stringent criteria for donors. We do not 'know' the donor - which I prefer - but we have essays, photos, personal and family medical history information, and audio interview from the donors we selected. Here's the process on how we selected a donor: we went to the CCB website and created a search criteria that narrowed our results to donors whose ethnicity, educational background, and personality were similar to my own. Once you have selected the donor, you buy vials individually or in bulk and have them sent to your home (via approved doctor consent) or the infertility specialist's office. It's fairly simple and straightforward. The hard part is selecting the donor. For the record, we have used 2 donors.
We opted to have Lara try to conceive first, mostly because of age, but also because her menstrual cycles are always dead on. Initially, towards the end of October and November of 2011, we tried to conceive via intracervical insemination (ICI), a process that can be done at home with the right equipment. Because Lara has access to various and sundry scientific tools and equipment, she outfitted our room with everything we needed for the process- a hot plate to get the sperm to the correct temperature, a temperature probe to assess water temperature, pipettes for getting everything, beakers, etc. In this time, we were acquainted all too well with the dread 'two week wait' (TWW), the length of time between ovulation/insemination and testing for pregnancy. We did precisely 2 ICI's at home that both led to big fat negative(s) (BFN). Our first negative could have been attributed to a glitch in the ovulation predictor kit, but really, who knows? It could have been anything. After our second negative, we decided to see an infertility specialist.
- Positive ovulation test!
- A one milliliter vial of sperm comes in a three foot tall tank. Something out of a sci fi movie!
- The water bath...gotta bring those suckers up to temperature!
- M&M's are necessary for ICI
There are a lot of things that go into pregnancy when a reproductive endocrinologist (RE) and staff are involved in the process - preliminary blood work, transvaginal ultrasounds, and meeting with a psychologist to see if we were prepared and fit to become parents (which Lara thinks was BS). What followed was determining when Lara would ovulate from month to month - lucky us, we had been doing so months prior to her at home ICI's. This is tricky and there are a lot of ways of doing this. We used a digital ovulation predictor kit (OPK), and soon, Lara was able to figure out when she would ovulate. Having this information on hand made it easy for us to start an intrauterine insemination (IUI) soon after we had our initial consultation and meeting with the family psychologist.
Lara did three IUI's, back to back, in early 2012, all leading to BFN's. Unfortunately, we still don't know why it didn't work. After the final negative, we decided that Lara should stop trying to conceive, for several reasons- first, the job cycle was starting up again, which means a ton of stress and not really being around very much, both of which don't help with conception. Also, I've always wanted to carry, so we decided to switch to me. We did not do any ICI's at home with me; rather we went straight to IUI's with the doctor.
So, I went through three IUI's, in October and November of 2012, and April of 2013. Something a little different occurred with my pre-IUI screening. After some blood work and an ultrasound confirmation, I was told I have polycystic ovarian syndrome (PCOS), which means I have a bunch of small cysts in my ovaries and its an endocrine disorder that affects fertility. I was told once by my gynocologist that I may have PCOS since I used to bleed up to 4 times a year. I was told sometimes something as simple as losing weight would reverse the effects. Wanting to be in better health and knowing it would be better for conceiving, I dropped 20 pounds and I started to have regular cycles for about 6-9 mos before my first IUI. It's only on my left ovary, but still that could yield complications with conceiving. After my second BFN, my RE decided to put me on an insulin resistance drug, in case PCOS was affecting my ability to conceive. He put me on 2000 mg of Metformin, starting at 1000 mg per day and then ramping up 500 mg every week. Wow, let me tell you... taking this drug is awful. I was nauseous for a few months, and still don't feel like my stomach is normal. But, I am getting used to it...slowly.
Anyway, between my 2nd and 3rd IUI's, we took a pause in between to recover both emotionally and financially. The stress of not conceiving was becoming a little overbearing, so we took a vacation instead :) For the last two IUI's Clomid was given, which basically helped me produce more eggs (and turns me into a raving bitch). For the second IUI, they had me on 50mg of Clomid, which did nothing. I still produced only one egg. For the third IUI, I was bumped up to 100mg of Clomid, and I produced two eggs, one from each ovary. We thought the last IUI was going to be perfect- the follicles looked perfect, the timing was great...everything looked positive. Until we got his sperm count, which was around 12 million, which isn't great. In spite of nearly perfect everything, we still got a BFN.
After this last negative, we made the decision to switch to IVF, primarily because we are moving and wanted to finish our fertility journey with our current RE.
I hope to make the next posts much shorter since everyone is up to date now, andto include photos and videos of our journey. Stay tuned...we are in the beginning of our first IVF cycle!
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